Why Do I Push People Away in Relationships?
Understanding Your Patterns Is the First Step to Changing Them
“I Want Love… So Why Do I Sabotage It?”
You meet someone kind. Available. Interested in you.
And something inside you tightens.
You pull back.
You overthink.
You lose interest… or create distance.
Or the opposite happens—you hold on too tightly, fear losing them, and end up pushing them away anyway.
If this feels familiar, you’re not broken.
You’re patterned.
And those patterns were learned long before your current relationship.
Why Do I Push People Away in Relationships?
Pushing people away isn’t about not wanting love.
It’s often about protecting yourself from pain you’ve already experienced.
At some point in your life, closeness may have felt:
Unsafe
Inconsistent
Conditional
Or emotionally overwhelming
So your system adapted.
You learned:
“It’s safer not to get too close.”
“If I leave first, I won’t be hurt.”
“If I don’t fully open, I stay in control.”
These patterns aren’t conscious choices.
They’re protective strategies.
But what once protected you…
is now preventing the very connection you desire.
Why Do I Attract Emotionally Unavailable Partners?
This is one of the most painful and confusing patterns.
You may find yourself repeatedly drawn to people who are:
Distant
Inconsistent
Non-committal
Emotionally shut down
Even when you know better.
This isn’t coincidence.
It’s familiarity.
Your nervous system is drawn to what it recognizes—even if it hurts.
If love in your early life felt unavailable, you may unconsciously try to recreate that dynamic, hoping this time it will finally resolve.
But instead, it keeps reinforcing the same wound.
What Is Anxious Attachment?
Anxious attachment is a relational pattern where love feels uncertain—and you feel responsible for holding onto it.
It can show up as:
Overthinking texts and interactions
Needing reassurance
Fear of being “too much” or “not enough”
Difficulty feeling secure, even when things are going well
At its core, anxious attachment isn’t weakness.
It’s a deep longing for connection that was never fully met.
So the system stays alert…
watching…
waiting…
trying to secure love before it disappears.
Fear of Abandonment in Relationships
This is often the root beneath everything.
A quiet, persistent fear:
“They’re going to leave.”
“I’m not enough to be chosen.”
“Love doesn’t last.”
Even when there’s no real evidence, the feeling is real.
And when that fear is activated, it can lead to:
Clinging
Withdrawing
Testing your partner
Emotional reactivity
Not because you want to create conflict…
But because a younger part of you is trying to feel safe.
This Isn’t About Fixing Your Relationship
It’s About Understanding Yourself
Most people try to solve relationship struggles by:
Finding a better partner
Communicating more
Reading books or listening to podcasts
But if the root patterns remain, the cycle continues.
Real change happens when you:
Understand where these patterns began
Learn how to regulate your emotional responses
Develop a grounded sense of inner safety
Shift from reacting… to observing
A Different Kind of Healing
At my retreats, this isn’t surface-level work.
This is where you begin to:
Identify the false beliefs driving your patterns
Meet the younger parts of yourself that still feel unsafe
Learn how to stay present instead of reacting
Experience what it feels like to be emotionally grounded in real time
This isn’t talk therapy.
This is immersive, guided transformation.
What Becomes Possible
When these patterns begin to shift, something changes:
You stop chasing unavailable people
You no longer feel the urge to push love away
You feel calmer, more centered, more secure
Relationships begin to feel… different
Not perfect.
But real. Safe. Connected.
You Don’t Have to Figure This Out Alone
If you’re recognizing yourself in these patterns, it means you’re ready.
Not because everything is falling apart…
But because something deeper in you is ready to change.
→ Begin With a Discovery Call
This is the first step.
A private, guided conversation to understand:
What you’re experiencing
What patterns are present
And whether this work is the right fit for you
Client Reviews
This retreat was an amazing experience. First, the property and Healing Barn set the stage for growth and introspection. Don't be afraid of coming in the winter! The snow was beautiful and lighting a fire at the end of the day was in and of itself therapeutic. I have a fairly demanding life and career, so I was skeptical about putting things on hold for this experience. It was strangely both intense and information packed, but also relaxing and calming. Jana and Lance definitely tailored the experience to my own personal issues and needs. This made for a comfortable place to share and learn. Lastly, Jana is an exceptional and gifted teacher. She can expand greatly on any of the retreat topics. She was quick relate topics to my life experience. It is immediately obvious that she coalesced a lifetime of learning, practicing, teaching and life experiences to create this unique retreat. I would highly recommend the retreat to anyone looking to improve their happiness, communication or dealing with life stress and past trauma.
Dr. Eric Kollai, HawaiiAfter reading the introductory information about Jana Wilson's Emotional Healing Retreat, I instantly sensed its life-altering potential. This intuition was later confirmed. The retreat's intense yet calming atmosphere in Santa Fe allowed me to disconnect from the chaos and reflect on the misguided messages and maladaptive coping mechanisms stemming from my traumatic childhood. The retreat has provided me with a comprehensive set of tools and knowledge, empowering me to continue my journey of self-discovery, release false beliefs, and appreciate my unique gifts. I am eternally grateful to Jana and Lance Wilson for this incredible experience.
Diana Waddell-GilbertSometimes you need to unabashedly invest in YOURSELF to pull you out of your own way. I sought a “different” type of help after experiencing 5 years of back-to-back difficult events, compounded by a lengthy inventory of unresolved childhood traumas. I had loosely grounded spiritual beliefs, a coping toolbox was becoming outdated, and maintaining a baseline anxiety level that needed to go. Once I declaratively made an intention to go something about it, the universe (and social media algorithms 😉) put Jana’s private retreat into my path. Starting with a very heartfelt and rigorous intake process, Jana and I made an instant connection. So, I just said yes and trusted the process. I had no idea what I was in for: six days of deep spiritual connection, facing life-long false stories and core beliefs, ruthless forgiveness, and jump-starting the journey to recognizing and loving my self. ALL aspects of myself. I left with a renewed sense of wonder for what life has in store and the power I possess to make it all happen. None of it would have been possible without Jana’s exceptionally curated experience and her deep empathetic connection. Using decades of experience and training, she assembled a program using “the best of the best” of spiritual, metaphysical, and psychological frameworks. The way she integrated them was so intentional and beautiful. What’s most important, she made sure the work was tailored to me. If the universe presents you with this opportunity, and if you’re ready to work hard and dive deep, you’ll have a transformative and magical experience.
Darren Carfano, New JerseyWho This Is For?
This work is for you if:
You keep repeating the same relationship patterns
You feel anxious, avoidant, or overwhelmed in love
You’re successful in life—but relationships feel hard
You’re ready to go deeper than surface-level solutions?