Are you Judgmental?

Do you notice that you often secretly judge others?

For example, your sister tells you about a new car she bought and you think, She can't possibly afford that car on her salary. She's so irresponsible about money.

Or your partner leaves his dirty dishes in the sink before heading out to meet his friends and you think, He's so lazy and sloppy. It drives me bananas.

Throughout the day, every day, you find yourself silently criticizing others.

My co-worker at work has gotten scatter-brained... my neighbor is too nosy... my friend is too self-absorbed with posting selfies on social media...

Single? Always Attracting The Wrong People? 

If you're single and find that you're constantly meeting deadbeats, cheaters, liars or emotionally unavailable people, it's not bad luck. You may be unknowingly ATTRACTING a particularly kind of person into your life!

Whom you meet and feel a connection with has everything to do with your core beliefs, fears, doubts and insecurities. In order to attract a genuine love, you must learn to re-program the beliefs and emotions BLOCKING you from finding love. Find out how here:

Remove The Blocks To Genuine Love

What does this all mean?

Are you surrounded by people who don't have their act together?

Is society just falling apart?

Or is this a clue about something way deeper and way more fundamental about YOU?

How Your Relationship With Others Brings Up The Next Biggest Thing You Need To Learn About Yourself

When we judge others or feel our "buttons being pushed" by the things they say and do, we may actually be projecting our feelings onto others.

We are accusing others of the very things we disown or reject about ourselves.

Here's how it works...

Let's say you have a fear of rejection that stems from something far back in childhood.

More than likely, you're unaware of this fear. You haven't yet acknowledged it. Or you know about it, but reject that it's an issue.

Your subconscious mind is aware of it, though. And that part of your mind will always seek opportunities to work out this old issue. It will lead you into situations where you can bring that fear into your awareness.

In other words, you will enter into relationships with people who will "trigger" that fear or unacknowledged emotion inside you.

You will attract a relationship where your partner will withdraw, act cold, make plans with his or her friends instead of with you, have a hobby they love that doesn't (or can't) involve you, etc.

Instead of causing you to face and accept your fear, their behavior will cause you to be secretly judgmental or critical.

You don't think, Hmm, I'm feeling afraid that he's going to abandon me and I'll be alone again.

Instead you think, He never spends time with me, he's off having fun instead of fixing these things around the house, he's wasting money playing golf all day when he should be saving money and spending the day with me.

Another example - let's say that you consider yourself a neat, tidy and financially conservative person. You keep your home and car clean and you never spend more than you make.

But deep down, you're really someone who wishes they could forgo responsibility for a while, kick up their feet, and be self-indulgent for a change.

However, you don't want to admit that to yourself. It's just not something you accept about yourself, for whatever reason. Maybe in childhood you were rejected for being that way.

Your creative mind will actually draw you into situations where you are around people who seem sloppy, irresponsible and flaky.

And instead of admitting that you're a little bit like them, you will find yourself secretly complaining about them.

What Do You Need To Accept About Yourself In Order To Love Yourself?

When you don't, or can't, acknowledge your feelings or accept something about yourself, it's a sign that deep down, you don't love yourself.

And if you don't love yourself, you'll never feel completely at peace with yourself and the world around you.

You'll always find something to complain about, and the people in your life will always seem to be less than perfect, because YOU think you're less than perfect.

Unless you can learn to love yourself, and accept yourself and your feelings, you'll never be able to be fully loved by anyone else, either.

There was a time in my life many years ago when I so badly wanted love and acceptance, but all I did was criticize my (ex) husband and accuse him of being irresponsible and undisciplined. 

I had several other unhappy relationships in my before I met Lance. I thought men weren't trustworthy and I was too strong for them. I didn't fully trust them so I kept creating dysfunctional relationships where the men would be emotionally unavailable and untrustworthy.

The truth was, I was not trusting myself and not available to my own emotions. Therefore, I projected those unacknowledged aspects of myself onto others.

I was secretly judgmental.

It wasn't until I had a major breakthrough in my life where I finally learned how to love myself that all that changed.

I met and fell in love with Lance, and exploded my career continued to explode.

I had discovered something transformational. And I needed to share it with the world.

When you learn to love yourself, you'll be able to:

  • Stop being secretly judgmental or critical of others, because you will accept hidden aspects of yourself.
  • Feel that you don't need to prove anything to anyone.
  • Stop hiding, pretending or justifying your feelings.
  • Feel fully loved by others, without constantly "testing" or questioning their loyalty.

Learning to love yourself in a relationship is seeing that you will create the very situations you need that allow you to experience the parts of yourself you cannot love. 

When you do that, you stop seeing the "wrong" in others. You stop being triggered all the time, and you become a less judgmental person.

When you love all of yourself, as if by magic, you will find yourself being completely loved by others. 

If you are ready to deep dive into a life long love affair with YOU, join Lance & I at our Healing the Heart Workshop in San Diego, CA March 31 - April 2, 2017.

In Love & With the Deepest Love,

Jana 

Loving Yourself: A Path to Manifestation

Discover how loving yourself can not only lead to the manifestation of your dreams, it can also lead to manifesting kindness and caring on our planet.

“Great hearts steadily send forth the secret forces that incessantly draw great events.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

If great hearts draw great events, and therefore support our ability to manifest, then what creates a great heart?

I believe that some people are born with great hearts because they have spent many lifetimes developing their ability to love. But even people who are born with great hearts still need to learn to love themselves in order to fully express their great heart.

Whatever stage our heart is at when we are born, we all have the choice to focus on our soul’s journey – evolving our heart in our ability to love. This needs to start with learning to love yourself and then sharing your love with others.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what one thing each of us could do to have an impact on manifesting a kinder, more loving planet. I know that change needs to come from within each of us. The inner change that I believe would create the most outer change is for each of us to develop a habit of asking the following question with every action we take, within ourselves and with others:

“Is this action supportive of my highest good and the highest good of all, or is it self-serving, coming from fear, greed and/or a desire to control others?”

If each of us practices asking this question throughout each day – regarding our actions toward ourselves, toward others and toward our planet – imagine what we could manifest globally!

The Loving Action Revolution

I invite you to join me in the “Loving Action Revolution” on Facebook. Go to https://www.facebook.com/lovingactionrevolution/, and take the Loving Action Revolution Pledge. This revolution is about each person focusing on loving actions moment-by-moment.

Asking yourself this question throughout the day can result in not only manifesting changes on our planet; it can also lead to manifesting your dreams. In fact, the fastest way to manifest your dreams is to learn to love yourself and share your love with others.

The reason for this is that in order for Spirit to help you manifest your dreams, your heart needs to be open. Spirit can co-create with us when our heart and mind are open to receiving the love and truth of Spirit, but when our heart and mind are closed, there is no way for us to receive the gifts of Spirit. The Law of Attraction states that ‘Like attracts like,’ which means that like frequency attracts like frequency. Your frequency is high when your heart is open, and low when your heart is closed. Manifestation occurs for all of us when our frequency is high.

Loving yourself means staying present in your body with your feelings, in Step One of Inner Bonding. It means consciously moving into the intent to learn, in Step Two, about how you might be abandoning yourself that may be causing pain. It means exploring what your feelings are telling you and learning about the false beliefs behind any self-abandoning behavior, in Step Three. It means opening to learning with your higher self about what is true and what is loving to you – Step Four, then taking the loving action, in Step Five, and evaluating how you now feel – Step Six.

It means, asking before taking any action for yourself or others, “Is this action supportive of my highest good and the highest good of all, or is it just self-serving, coming from fear, greed and/or a desire to control others?”

I hope you will practice these powerful Steps and develop the habit of asking this question with every action you take. This is what I do throughout the day – always asking my higher self about what is in my highest good and the highest good of all. I ask it with everything – how I spend my time, how I interact with others, how I treat my body and what I put in my body, and how I treat animals and the planet.

I invite you, in these challenging and tumultuous times, to join with me and many others in taking the Loving Action Revolution pledge. It’s time to expand our hearts and draw in great events for ourselves and for our planet!

reprinted from Dr. Margaret Paul, PhD

Cultivating Emotional Resilency

Improving Emotional Health

Strategies and Tips for Good Mental Health

People who are emotionally healthy are in control of their emotions and their behavior. They are able to handle life’s inevitable challenges, build strong relationships, and lead productive, fulfilling lives. When bad things happen, they’re able to bounce back and move on.

Unfortunately, too many people take their mental and emotional health for granted – focusing on it only when they develop problems. But just as it requires effort to build or maintain physical health, so it is with mental and emotional health. The more time and energy you invest in your emotional health, the stronger it will be. The good news is that there are many things you can do to boost your mood, build resilience, and get more enjoyment out of life.

What is mental health or emotional health?

Mental or emotional health refers to your overall psychological well-being. It includes the way you feel about yourself, the quality of your relationships, and your ability to manage your feelings and deal with difficulties.

Good mental health isn't just the absence of mental health problems. Being mentally or emotionally healthy is much more than being free of depression, anxiety, or other psychological issues. Rather than the absence of mental illness, mental and emotional health refers to the presence of positive characteristics. Similarly, not feeling bad is not the same as feeling good. While some people may not have negative feelings, they still need to do things that make them feel positive in order to achieve mental and emotional health.

People who are mentally and emotionally healthy have:

  • A sense of contentment.
  • A zest for living and the ability to laugh and have fun.
  • The ability to deal with stress and bounce back from adversity.
  • A sense of meaning and purpose, in both their activities and their relationships.
  • The flexibility to learn new things and adapt to change.
  • A balance between work and play, rest and activity, etc.
  • The ability to build and maintain fulfilling relationships.
  • Self-confidence and high self-esteem.

These positive characteristics of mental and emotional health allow you to participate in life to the fullest extent possible through productive, meaningful activities and strong relationships. These positive characteristics also help you cope when faced with life's challenges and stresses.

The role of resilience in mental and emotional health

Being emotionally and mentally healthy doesn’t mean never going through bad times or experiencing emotional problems. We all go through disappointments, loss, and change. And while these are normal parts of life, they can still cause sadness, anxiety, and stress.

The difference is that people with good emotional health have an ability to bounce back from adversity, trauma, and stress. This ability is called resilience. People who are emotionally and mentally healthy have the tools for coping with difficult situations and maintaining a positive outlook. They remain focused, flexible, and creative in bad times as well as good.

One of the key factors in resilience is the ability to balance stress and your emotions. The capacity to recognize your emotions and express them appropriately helps you avoid getting stuck in depression, anxiety, or other negative mood states. Another key factor is having a strong support network. Having trusted people you can turn to for encouragement and support will boost your resilience in tough times.

Physical health is connected to mental and emotional health

Taking care of your body is a powerful first step towards mental and emotional health. The mind and the body are linked. When you improve your physical health, you’ll automatically experience greater mental and emotional well-being. For example, exercise not only strengthens our heart and lungs, but also releases endorphins, powerful chemicals that energize us and lift our mood.

The activities you engage in and the daily choices you make affect the way you feel physically and emotionally.

 

  • Get enough rest. To have good mental and emotional health, it’s important to take care of your body. That includes getting enough sleep. Most people need seven to eight hours of sleep each night in order to function optimally.
  • Learn about good nutrition and practice it. The subject of nutrition is complicated and not always easy to put into practice. But the more you learn about what you eat and how it affects your energy and mood, the better you can feel.
  • Exercise to relieve stress and lift your mood. Exercise is a powerful antidote to stress, anxiety, and depression. Look for small ways to add activity to your day, like taking the stairs instead of the elevator or going on a short walk. To get the most mental health benefits, aim for 30 minutes or more of exercise per day.
  • Get a dose of sunlight every day. Sunlight lifts your mood, so try to get at least 10 to 15 minutes of sun per day. This can be done while exercising, gardening, or socializing.
  • Limit alcohol and avoid cigarettes and other drugs. These are stimulants that may unnaturally make you feel good in the short term, but have long-term negative consequences for mood and emotional health.

Improve mental and emotional health by taking care of yourself

In order to maintain and strengthen your mental and emotional health, it’s important to pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Don’t let stress and negative emotions build up. Try to maintain a balance between your daily responsibilities and the things you enjoy. If you take care of yourself, you’ll be better prepared to deal with challenges if and when they arise.

Taking care of yourself includes pursuing activities that naturally release endorphins and contribute to feeling good. In addition to physical exercise, endorphins are also naturally released when we:

  • Do things that positively impact others. Being useful to others and being valued for what you do can help build self-esteem.
  • Practice self-discipline. Self-control naturally leads to a sense of hopefulness and can help you overcome despair, helplessness, and other negative thoughts.
  • Learn or discover new things. Think of it as “intellectual candy”. Try taking an adult education class, join a book club, visit a museum, learn a new language, or simply travel somewhere new.
  • Enjoy the beauty of nature or art. Studies show that simply walking through a garden can lower blood pressure and reduce stress. The same goes for strolling through a park or an art gallery, hiking, admiring architecture, or sitting on a beach.
  • Manage your stress levels. Stress takes a heavy toll on mental and emotional health, so it’s important to keep it under control. While not all stressors can be avoided, stress management strategies can help you bring things back into balance.
  • Limit unhealthy mental habits like worrying. Try to avoid becoming absorbed by repetitive mental habits – negative thoughts about yourself and the world that suck up time, drain your energy, and trigger feelings of anxiety, fear, and depression.

More tips and strategies for taking care of yourself:

  • Appeal to your senses. Stay calm and energized by appealing to the five senses: sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste. Listen to music that lifts your mood, place flowers where you will see and smell them, massage your hands and feet, or sip a warm drink.
  • Engage in meaningful, creative work. Do things that challenge your creativity and make you feel productive, whether or not you get paid for it – things like gardening, drawing, writing, playing an instrument, or building something in your workshop.
  • Get a pet. Yes, pets are a responsibility, but caring for one makes you feel needed and loved. There is no love quite as unconditional as the love a pet can give. Animals can also get you out of the house for exercise and expose you to new people and places.
  • Make leisure time a priority. Do things for no other reason than that it feels good to do them. Go to a funny movie, take a walk on the beach, listen to music, read a good book, or talk to a friend. Doing things just because they are fun is no indulgence. Play is an emotional and mental health necessity.
  • Make time for contemplation and appreciation. Think about the things you’re grateful for. Mediate, pray, enjoy the sunset, or simply take a moment to pay attention to what is good, positive, and beautiful as you go about your day.

Everyone is different; not all things will be equally beneficial to all people. Some people feel better relaxing and slowing down while others need more activity and more excitement or stimulation to feel better. The important thing is to find activities that you enjoy and that give you a boost.

Supportive relationships: The foundation of emotional health

No matter how much time you devote to improving your mental and emotional health, you will still need the company of others to feel and be your best. Humans are social creatures with an emotional need for relationships and positive connections to others. We’re not meant to survive, let alone thrive, in isolation. Our social brains crave companionship—even when experience has made us shy and distrustful of others.

Social interaction—specifically talking to someone else about your problems—can also help to reduce stress. The key is to find a supportive relationship with someone who is a “good listener”—someone you can talk to regularly, preferably face-to-face, who will listen to you without a pre-existing agenda for how you should think or feel. A good listener will listen to the feelings behind your words, and won’t interrupt or judge or criticize you. The best way to find a good listener? Be a good listener yourself. Develop a friendship with someone you can talk to regularly, and then listen and support each other.

Tips and strategies for connecting to others:

  • Get out from behind your TV or computer screen. Screens have their place but they will never have the same effect as an expression of interest or a reassuring touch. Communication is a largely nonverbal experience that requires you to be in direct contact with other people, so don’t neglect your real-world relationships in favor of virtual interaction.
  • Spend time daily, face-to-face, with people you like. Make spending time with people you enjoy a priority. Choose friends, neighbors, colleagues, and family members who are upbeat, positive, and interested in you. Take time to inquire about people you meet during the day that you like.
  • Volunteer. Doing something that helps others has a beneficial effect on how you feel about yourself. The meaning and purpose you find in helping others will enrich and expand your life. There is no limit to the individual and group volunteer opportunities you can explore. Schools, churches, nonprofits, and charitable organization of all sorts depend on volunteers for their survival.
  • Be a joiner. Join networking, social action, conservation, and special interest groups that meet on a regular basis. These groups offer wonderful opportunities for finding people with common interests – people you like being with who are potential friends.

Risk factors for mental and emotional problems

Your mental and emotional health has been and will continue to be shaped by your experiences. Early childhood experiences are especially significant. Genetic and biological factors can also play a role, but these too can be changed by experience.

Risk factors that can compromise mental and emotional health:

  • Poor connection or attachment to your primary caretaker early in life. Feeling lonely, isolated, unsafe, confused, or abused as an infant or young child.
  • Traumas or serious losses, especially early in life.  Death of a parent or other traumatic experiences such as war or hospitalization.
  • Learned helplessness. Negative experiences that lead to a belief that you’re helpless and that you have little control over the situations in your life.
  • Illness, especially when it’s chronic, disabling, or isolates you from others.
  • Side effects of medications, especially in older people who may be taking a variety of medications.
  • Substance abuse. Alcohol and drug abuse can both cause mental health problems and make preexisting mental or emotional problems worse.

Whatever internal or external factors have shaped your mental and emotional health, it’s never too late to make changes that will improve your psychological well-being. Risk factors can be counteracted with protective factors, like strong relationships, a healthy lifestyle, and coping strategies for managing stress and negative emotions.

When to seek professional help for emotional problems

If you’ve made consistent efforts to improve your mental and emotional health and you still don’t feel good – then it’s time to seek professional help. Because we are so socially attuned, input from a knowledgeable, caring professional can motivate us to do things for ourselves that we were not able to do on our own.

Sign up for a FREE Emotional Healing Assessment Call NOW

Red flag feelings and behaviors that may require immediate attention

  • Inability to sleep.
  • Feeling down, hopeless, or helpless most of the time.
  • Concentration problems that are interfering with your work or home life.
  • Using nicotine, food, drugs, or alcohol to cope with difficult emotions.
  • Negative or self-destructive thoughts or fears that you can’t control.
  • Thoughts of death or suicide.

Sign up for a FREE Emotional Healing Assessment Call NOW

Apathy the Killer of All Dreams

Apathy.

I haven’t had much inspiration lately. Everything just feels Blah. 

Let me define Blah. Blah is when I can’t really complain about anything but don’t have much energy or enthusiasm for anything. Blah is when I’m lacking passion and everything is beige. Nothing wrong with the color but between you and me, beige is just not exciting.

Am I feeling blah because I have been trying to fulfill all these tasks that I have set myself up to finish before the end of the year? Launch a training program,  create a life changing e-course, record a new meditation cd, even writing this blog for god sake!

The more I attempt to find a way out of this apathy and blah-ness the more it just hangs around. Surrendering to any uncomfortable feeling is frightening, my mind says, “hey don’t do it, or you will really lose your edge.” I wish there was a pill for blah; one that I could walk into a drugstore and tell the pharmacist that I had blah and then wait while he put little white pills into an orange or blue jar.

This whole blah dissertation makes me think of Buddhist philosophy which if taken at face value promotes the idea of not attaching yourself to either the highs or lows in life, this way you don’t suffer so much. So I guess I will just give myself permission to lean into the discomfort of blah and maybe just maybe letting go of the judgment of blah, I will find grace to move forward.

The more I think about it, blah is probably the result of not enough stimulus. We live in a world that everything runs fast and we are bombarded by information and requests. Our systems are on the go and sometimes when we slow down we go into withdrawal. If you don’t understand the concept, ask any junkie. So I’m going to breathe deeply and slow down even more, and I’m going to connect with the root that keeps me grounded in this planet – my body – and I’m going to observe and appreciate what surrounds me, and I’m going to dive into myself and I am certain blah will be just a thing of the past.

Remember that the slower and more simpler life becomes, the more the ego rages against it. I will leave you with a few simple mantras from the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh.

Breathing

  • Present moment, wonderful moment.

Walking

  • I’ve arrived, I’m home

This moment is all there is, if this moment it all feels blah, well then this moment must be revealing something deeper is wanting to emerge within you. So just trust that when you are ready you will give birth to a new level of inspiration.

Om Shanti (Peace be with you)

 

 

Christmas Music Already...

Christmas Music Already...

Its ‘that’ time of the year again! I don’t know about you but I have this love/hate thing going on with the holidays. I mean there is so much that is projected onto some fantasy idea of what to ‘expect’ this time of year. If you are single, then you feel totally left out around your friends with family. If you don’t have unlimited cash flow, you feel like a loser when it comes to gift giving.

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